“I watched you try to park for four minutes and I've never felt more alive.”
It gets worse
“I love you but right now it's theoretical.”
— My girlfriend118 votes
“Listen, I love your family. I do. But if your brother calls me 'champ' one more time I'm going to become the kind of per...”
— My partner112 votes
“If we ever get a divorce, I'm keeping the Costco membership. You can have the kids on weekdays.”
— My wife83 votes
Bet you have one too.
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