While driving

“I love you but right now it's theoretical.”

“Listen, I love your family. I do. But if your brother calls me 'champ' one more time I'm going to become the kind of person who flips a table at Thanksgiving and honestly I think I'd be justified.”

“If we ever get a divorce, I'm keeping the Costco membership. You can have the kids on weekdays.”

“I don't care what the GPS says, I know a shortcut. It's through the emotional pain of trusting me.”

“I watched you try to park for four minutes and I've never felt more alive.”

“You're lucky you're cute because your sense of direction is criminal.”