In public

“You said you'd be ready in five minutes and that was forty-seven minutes ago. I've aged. I've grown as a person. I've accepted death. And you're still doing your eyebrows.”

“I saw the way that waitress smiled at you and I want you to know I could take her.”

“Sure, you remembered our anniversary. Only because your phone told you. Romance isn't dead but it's on life support.”

“That shirt looked better on the hanger. And I say that with love.”