During dinner

“I married you for your personality. I stay for the health insurance.”

“I spent three hours making this meal from scratch, used a recipe from your grandmother, and you're going to sit there and put ketchup on it? In front of me? In my own home?”

“When I said 'whatever you want for dinner,' that was a test and you failed.”

“I would die for you. But I would not share my fries for you.”

“I'm not saying your cooking is bad, I'm saying the smoke detector cheers when you walk away from the stove.”

“You made this dinner? On purpose? With ingredients?”

“Your mother called. I told her we were busy. We weren't. I just chose peace.”

“I didn't overcook it. I caramelized it aggressively.”

“You know what, you were right about the avocados. Mark the calendar. Frame this moment.”

“You chew like you're mad at your food. Like it owes you something.”

“I forgive you, but my mother won't.”